October 14, 2011 (Will always feel like the fat guy)

The final week of m half marathon training has finally arrived, and I am glad! Just running all the time starts to get boring. I'm pretty excited about getting back into the triathlon training to change it up. The plan I will be following keeps it mixed up really well too and I think it's going to be a lot of fun, I'm really excited for it!

But this week wasn't all that great with the taper though. Early last week I had gotten sick and thought that maybe it was from sweet potatoes. In the past I have developed intollerances to foods, that I eat normally, out of the blue. So I figured this was just another food that I really love that I will no longer be able to eat. Well, it happened again Sunday and everyday since. Sunday was really shitty though because we were on a bike ride and the weather was great. Cadence was in the Burley and everything was good until  I started to feel ill. We were about 8 miles out or so when we turned around and when we did we were met with about a 15-20mph head wind. So not only did I feel horrible but I also had a nasty headwind to fight while pulling the Burley. What got me through that ride was thinking about having a milk shake when we were done. That shake was awesome too and it did make me feel better.

Anyways, I haven't been feeling well and the doctor had a few ideas of what it could be. First he thought maybe it was caffeine, then dairy and next will be gluten. I don't think it is any of those things though and I am hoping to get in to a specialist early next week. I would like to get on top of whatever it is before the Ironman training starts.

My runs this week have felt off as well. Nicole and I set out to run the Des Moines Half course last Sunday. We were scheduled to only run 12, set out to run 13 and ran 11. We both were having an off day. I think Nicole might have been running harder than normal to keep me from feeling like she was holding me back. But when we finished I just didn't feel that great about it. It wasn't the pace, it wasn't that I felt beat up, I just didn't feel that great like I normally do after a long run. And the rest of the week was the same way. I didn't run anything over 4 miles after that, one tempo run of 3 miles. Every run just felt awful. Nothing felt right. And to make it even worse, I have had a pain in my left quad ever since Sunday. It only hurts at certain times and not when running so it's nothing too bad. And I know it will heal, it's the other issues that concern me.

My nutrition seems to be a little off this week too. Maybe I have been too strict lately on what to eat and I'm craving foods or maybe I really do need to eat more. I wish I knew how to read my body and mind better because I can never tell one from the other. Almost every night this week I have had to eat an extra carb, like toast or oatmeal or something to make me feel full. I never eat until I am stuffed but I don't really ever eat until I am full. Toast has got to be about my favorite thing to eat these days. It's the highlight of my day, toast in the morning and usually with dinner. I did have some of Cadence's popcorn tonight while we watched a movie, but not a lot. Nicole bought me some Honey Crisp apples that I have been eating at night and they are delicious. Certain foods I have to eat a certain way to enjoy them to the fullest. Apples have to be eaten so that the juice is swallowed before the actual apple. I love apples...

Whenever I eat that extra carb or sneak a piece of candy at work I feel like a huge fat ass. When I was really big I never really felt like the fat kid that I was. And now that I am over 100lbs lighter I feel fat. I feel like when people see me they don't see a triathlete or a runner, they see a fat guy with an addiction to food. I feel like it is worn on my sleeve and I can't shake it. I don't starve myself and I do eat a good amount of food, whether it's enough I can't tell. But sometimes I think maybe I have some kind of eating disorder, or more of a food disorder. I exercise because I love to exercise and run and do all of these things. But I eat the way I eat because I don't want to be fat. I fear being that way again almost constantly. I have a feeling it's a common thing with people who have lost a lot of weight. All it is going to take is for one thing to sideline me for a few weeks and I will gain all that weight back. That is what my head is thinking even though I know I am a changed person. How can I get rid of the Ex Fat Boy Syndrome? Maybe it's best to keep it around to keep my food addictions in check.

Nicole is starting a new workout and nutrition program next week and I'm super excited for her. She has never really enjoyed the endurance sport type of exercise. I can't blame her, it gets really boring at times. Unless you can have awesome inner dialogue for hours. I think she will do good at the new program and I think she will be happy with the results she gets.

Since we are both at the end of a training period we have deemed this weekend a "free" weekend. So we are going to eat some things we wouldn't typically eat to try to settle our heads before getting back on track. Again, this will make me feel like a huge fat ass and then next week I will be ready to tear it up at the gym. But right now the plan is to have Latin King (the best Italian food in Des Moines) for dinner tomorrow night. After that we are heading to a cyclocross race at Mullets where we will probably have a couple Fat Tires  and then call it a night so that we may be ready for the race Sunday morning. A few friends are in town from Missouri and we are planning to try out Zombie Burger Sunday afternoon. I'm sure we will also stop a few times for Casey's cups of cookies. They are the best cookies ever! This weekend is a TREAT YO' SELF weekend! If you watched Parks and Rec this week, you get the reference.

Monday I am meeting with 3 different charities about our fundraising project. I'm really excited to get this started and to hopefully do some good for some local kids. It would really put a heart into the Ironman training and I can't wait to do it. I also hope that we will get a chance to actually meet some of the kids and families we intend on helping. It means alot more when you can put a face with the deed. While fundraising for Team in Training last year it just didn't feel like it was coming from the heart. I know we did good but I just can't say that my heart was in it. This is going to be different, I can tell already.

But I will keep you up to date on what's happening with the ol' gut and the charity situation. Should have both figured out by the middle of next week. And once the charity has been figured out we can start putting our project into motion. I can't wait to tell everyone about it because it means a lot to me.